Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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