We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
