So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
