I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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