Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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