I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
