The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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