wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
