Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
