Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
