My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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