quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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