if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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