We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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