I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
