Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
