I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
