took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
