all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
