I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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