I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
