You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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