Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
