Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
