oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
