the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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