Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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