I bet he comes in French.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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