ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
