There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
