On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
