OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it was like eating out sand paper
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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