I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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