I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
