I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
