Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
