WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
this hospital has no fireball
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
