she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
