I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
