I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
