you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
