Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
