So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
