PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
