Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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