I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
