U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
