and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
