i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
