I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
