I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
