He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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