she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
