WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
