PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
